Day went by doing here and there things

I woke up feeling a bit stressed and worried, so I decided to go walk after my morning routine. It wasn't too warm yet so was perfect. So, after walk after after with breaks, talk on phone with family, in the evening I went to purchase a sandal with slight heel. Annd I ended up purchasing this new pair of active.

New Activewear

Decision is not made yet

I thought about it over and over, and I am still having thoughts what to do. Whole day, I spent thinking a bit here and a bit there about it. I still can't decide, I feel like I have made a decision but again, I feel like I haven't. So, I am in dilemma. This is not so much fun. More $$$ or Seniority, which is better. Contract to Hire or Full-time. Some say, more money, that's better, but then I look at it, Senior to Mid Level, hmmm....

I haven't thought that I would be this confused. Unfortunately, I am and its not so much. I am wasting time, and I am not able to help. I have talked to few friends for that as well, all of them say, good choices either one. Omg

Walk in the morning, then the Truck fest in Uptown

Seriously, it was so busy, traffic wasn't fun, it took me almost and hour to get where I normally reach in 20 minutes. It was hot, and I couldn't find parking. Finally someone came out from 32nd and Holmes Avenue and I got the spot. Then I walked few blocks to meet Sharaj and family. 

It was hot, I mean humidity wasn't too high but I knew I would get tanner in that sun. I was sweating like water, normal. We started from the Beer Garden in Uptown, sitting under the tree in the shade. We decided to talk walk around to check the heat, crowd, food trucks. I needed water, but every where the line was huge and it would be crazy to stand in those lines in that sun. 

So, finally we made a stop at Penzeyes Spices in Uptown. After sitting outside in the shade for few minutes, we went inside to check the place. It smelled good, they also had spices from other parts of the world. Now we were done and I walked to WellsFargo lot, where they had parked. 

After saying bye to them, I headed to my car, another few blocks walk in that sun. By the time, I reached my car, I was sweating, and looked tanner. I had new tan lines in the legs, face, arms. And finally after road block challenges, I reached home and showered. Now, the weekend is over and need to decide on offers. 

Not sure how long I will be writing about this.

Hopefully, not too long as its not fun and its not going to change anything. Its just going to hurt but, sometimes writing also helps how I am feeling.

Today I woke up, got fresh, then went to the Spin class, where I kinda pulled my back muscle, boy that hurt really bad. After the gym, came home, took shower and ate some food and was ready to head to the Spa Party. It was nice, but my heart was asking something and I knew something is missing. On the way back, I drove to Maple Grove to check out more fashion jewelry and also went inside DSW. I didn't purchase anything.

While driving back, this time went to Ulta, yes more driving. I didn't find what I was looking for in Ulta nor Target. So, I came home, marinated Salmon and broiled it. While Salmon was getting broiled, I made gwacamole, and it was tasty.

I sat in front of the TV and ate. I also talked to babu and Pau. With all these things, my heart and was mind wasn't satisfied. I did bunch of stuff yet, I knew I am feeling there is something missing in my day and my life. Is the feeling going to fade away soon ? This is a bit sad, but at this point, its staying with me.

I was starting to think, maybe this is it, I will be myself and you know. Then I met you, I started dreaming about all those things with you and then you disappeared and left me feeling hurt. Everytime the thought comes to me, I tell myself, stop thinking but my mind goes back to it again and again. It doesn't help me but just bothers me over and over. I wish you understand/understood my feelings. I thought you did, but after all this, I have to think, you didn't at all.

Today Happy Hour with Melissa

After a while I met Melissa today. We had a good HH and conversation and I even bought few things. We Rojo's Margarita Frozen, omg was super strong. I couldn't hardly finish half of it. Mel finished all. In addition, I drank two glass of water with some food. We still could feel the affect of that Margarita. We found out, that compared to the Rocks, Frozen is three times stronger, no wonder why we felt the way we did.

After the HH, we went around West End, only stop was at Charming Charlie and below are my purchase.

I Want Candy Necklace Set - Torquoise

 Multirow Beached Coral And Gold

After a long time, I let someone in my life...

No matter what, I will always feel sad and bad about this whole thing. I will always remember that you disrespected me. And yet unfortunately, I might always miss the Chemistry between us, I will always remember what we talked about and the times we spent together.

I do wish sometimes I want this memory to be gone from my mind soon, so that it won't hurt so much, but it doesn't work like that. My friends and family tell me, time will heal, it will go away. I know, some memories always stay in mind. It hurt, it hurts and it might always hurt.

The thought makes me feel emotional, I wish it was easy as you said 'keep it low'. Honestly, I don't know what that means. When you like someone, when you want to be with someone, you don't say or put a boundry, I am only going to like, love, care about someone only like 20% or 50% or 75%.

When you do with clean mind and heart, you just do, as much as you can, You don't think about how I can use this person, how to get more out of this person. All you think about is, how to be happy together, how to do all the things together for togetherness.

Unfortunately, these are just words, that will just go over your head. I still wish things were different. All this time, I said, 'time will tell' and time definitely showed. Its sad but its the fact.

Today's onsite with E. Financial

The first interview was with Lead and then the Director. It went smooth and then next one was pretty interesting. I hadn't looked through the Automation test and Framework for a while. I remembered most of the stuff but, there were few I didn't know how to answer those.

M was helpful in a way to give me hints. There were few questions, I didn't know how to answer. I had to give two tries and I think I almost got it right. The reason, the interview was interesting is that. the person who interviewed me was an Automation Developer for 15 years before. And found out, he also was a part of WebDriver developer. No wonder he asked me nitty gritty questions. I liked the questions, it taught me what I need to improve on.

After a few minutes of conversation, I was asked how to identify a div on a page, when there are multiple of them. I wrote the xpath and he was convinced that I knew what I am doing. Then the next thing was related to Page Object Pattern, then the tests and also about how do you go about writing test so that it was be reused. No hardcoded values. It was a good feedback, I need to look into how to do that. I have seen it in the course but I haven't tried.

The whole thing was about 35-40 minutes and Linda came to get me. I had some questions for M, and when I found out the massive Raibow Framework was done in four months, I was surprised to hear that. I am no where near that. I have a long way to go for that.

Overall, it all went good. I look forward to hear from them but if not, no worries, as I learned few things from this onsite.

I wish things were different...

The day the unusual thing happened. I saw few things happening. I am a big believer on everything happens for a reason. I thought, that unusual thing was going to give us more time to spend together. I also thought, life is telling me, spend quality time together, learn more about each other and such.

I was excited thinking about all those things. Within a week of that unsual thing, you told me something, something that I had never thought you would do. The whole time, we talked about, you kept saying, 'I don't do those. If I wanted to, I would have done that long time ago'. I truly believed on you. After what you said, it made me feel sad, it took away my sleep for days, I got emotional so many times too.

The day you left, omg I don't know how I felt. On top of that, you didn't write the whole day, I felt ignored. I am not sure how you were feeling so I can't say much on that. I hope you thought about me and us before you decided that.

When I told my family about us, they were happy, they saw its going to happen this year. Now, after many weeks later, I feel sad. You are missing in action for over two weeks now and that has made me feel very disrespected. At times, it feels so bad, I can't get this thing out of my mind. I know I should just forget it thinking may be a fling, as Nhas cha said, 'relationship rebound'. I really had enjoyed things together, I had dreamed so much things together. Today I am disappointed, I feel heartbroken.

Again, everything happens for a reason, and I hope this thing didn't happen. I hope it had worked out nicely as I had thought. I really saw this working so well. Life has told me today, no matter how nice you are, no matter how much comrpromise you do, some things just happens in life to just hurt you, hurt you over and over.

Today's meeting with TapQA and day afterwards

Omg, seriously I had a bad headache after listening for over an hour. I couldn't think of going to the library and study, but straight came home. I then purchased the ticket to head to Sioux Falls, SD. I am a bit nervous thinking about the long bus ride though. I debated to drive, so that I don't have to get up early, leave at my leisure comfortably but thinking about how hired I have been, I decided, I am going in Greyhound.

I hope, I will sleep okay, get up super early, head to downtown, take the bus and head there. I need some fresh air and feel refreshed when I come back. I hope to get some sleep in the bus as well, fingers crossed, that works for me.

I also watched a movie afterwards to relax. it was a nice movie. While all this, my phone wouldn't stop ringing. I see the same numbers calling me over and over. I don't want to talk to anyone other than family and friends anymore. The one, I want to call me, has disappeared from days, more than a week now. I feel sad thinking about it. I don't know why you keep doing that to me.

Onsite with UHG

Its been few years, I have been trying to get an onsite with them. Finally, a recruiter from UHG contacted me, we setup the onsite and it was time. For some reason, series of things went wrong today.

I left early as usual, but I took a turn on a wrong road, which made me go round round twice. Okay, I was telling myself seriously. Then I reached the destination, only to find out over 20 of the Guest parking all are full. I had little over 5 minutes left to find Parking. I drove to the Guest Overflow Parking in the Ramp, I thought that's nice. Only to find out, that lot is a disaster.

I made over 4 rounds and finally, a car came out and I parked. By this time, I had 3 minutes left. It was about two blocks walk to get to the main entrance. I got there, checked in and the person I was supposed to came out. Apparantly, they knew about the parking problem there. I wish the recruiter had let me know upfront.

About half way into the interview. my started ringing. I remembered putting it in Silent, apparantly, that didn't work. The first part of the interview went well. Second half where I had to write some SQL queries, didn't go so well. I couldn't remember how to do some. Oh boy, then another things went wrong and that was it.

I was so embarassed, I just wanted to get out from there. I couldn't gather the strength to write a Thank You note. I waited could of hours to do so. and I did.

I don't know whether I ever want to apply or interview there, as I am embarrassed. Or maybe, it wasn't that bad and I am thinking too much into it. So, I decided to release that embarassment with a nice movie at home. I watched Lootera, made Fish burrito, everything from scratch. Then it was time for strength workout, I did Back today.

Around 5:30pm, I decided to put Mehendi, then washed my hair and went for a walk to get some fresh air. It also helped my hair get air dry. I thought of singing "Maya Lagdaina Aba", and I did. I finally got the video done after few tries. it wasn't great but I posted it anyway. Its a beautiful song.

I was listening and watching this music video and the memories came to my mind

The memories just breaks my heart. At one time, they were good memories and the same memories now breaks my heart and make me feel sad. How and what things can make difference. At that time, the same memories made me feel happy and now its completely different. I ask myself, was that a mistake, maybe. Did anything mean anything ? Was that just a bad play ?

The thoughts come and this is where I jot down, doesn't matter who is reading or who is not reading. At least pouring my thoughts here, makes me feel good at times. I just wish, things will get better soon and I will be me again. How some people's acts makes a lot of difference how someone feels. There are some people in this world, who can never admit their fault and say Sorry, as they are super selfish. And there are some who thinks that saying Sorry fixes everything. again both parties are selfish in their own ways.

I wish I was selfish too. Unfortunately, I might never learn to be selfish in this world full of selfish people.

Mind is so uncontrollable

I wish it was controllable unfortunately, its not. It keeps bothering me over and over. Why is this always happening to me ? Why does things always choose to do this with me ? I am tired of this game, I am so over this nonsense. Finally I returned the thing I had, and I felt better.

Things are returnable, throw able but the memories stuck in my mind and heart are not so easily removable. I wish I could delete those with a button. Same thought keeps coming over and over, sometimes I feel out of hand. I write, I talk, I workout and everything I can do, hoping all these to help me.

My phone got a face lift today

I dropped my phone last year and shattered the screen, first time in my life and it cost me a 1/3rd of the phone price. it was big. I had put a Glass screen protector at that time. I was careful and I didn't know it will drop again.

Oh boy, when I was visiting my family in AUS, my youngest little sister dropped it on the ground, I thought it was gone again. I even said it out loud, I just spent so much to fix this. Luckily, the screen was okay, but it made dents on the sides of the phone. I thought that was it. Then, again the day we were traveling to Melbourne, it happened again.

Due to the fire, we had make a super long detour to get to Twelve Apostles. And I was looking at direction on my phone. Unfortunately, I had the phone on my lap when I got down from the car at the gas station to use the restroom and stretch my legs. Boy, was I upset, my mood just went straight downhill. But, I had to tell myself, its just a phone.

Anyways, long story huh!!! Last night, my phone fell phone the carpet and it cracked the Glass screen protector in the middle. That moment, I told myself, its time to replace it, as the screen was cracked screen, little little all over.  I got to the Mall and went to get it replaced. I was a bit worried thinking could the main glass also cracked. Luckily, everything was okay it was only the protector. Now, my phone is all shining with new face lift. Thanks to the guy who did the work on it, it was literally 3 minutes as he said.

I am happy and hope my phone is happy as well

No reply in hangout nor in the phone

It feels like I am talking to myself. I hope that's not the case, but it does seem like that. How can you not reply and keep ignoring. I should just stop writing and forget about the whole thing and move in life. Its hard, I wish it was a piece of cake..

Life and the on going ups and downs....

It feels different, as a matter of fact everything does. I don't even know where to start, what to write. I don't feel like myself anymore. I want and need something, it has remained the want and need both. At least, right now I can't seem to have it. If its meant to be, I will, that's my spirit right now.

It feels like, there is something big missing in life. I thought I found it, in reality, maybe it was just a tease, game, not sure what. No matter what I do, I don't find the satisfaction. I keep feeling there is something missing...

Disappearing people...

No communication for few days, told you how much I hate that. I got the reason, I took it even though its not a good one. Again same thing for few more days. Again excuse, again and now its more than a week, without a single message or a call. Really ? Even when I wrote twice, no reply.

I mean I trusted you for who you are, I accepted you for who are you. Unfortunately, none of the things mattered. Over a month, you have proved, what you are made of. The trust, respect, love, everything I have seem to be lost. I am not sure anything you said was true from any point. All you wanted was, just one thing.

I have never felt this bad in life. The past 5-6 weeks, the stress you put me through is unbelievable. Its easy to say sorry, its easy to say no internet, etc. Its also easy to say, don't think too much, in reality its not.

Long drive to the bihar today

I have been wanting to go there and finally made it. It has changed quite a bit and it was nice to be there finally after almost three years. I wish it was a bit quieter, but I was proud of myself that I made it there and I did what I wanted to.

I wish I can go there often until I find some peace. I have never felt like this for this long, its tough. Do I deserve this really? It feels like things like this happens to me often, over and over. The past few years have been so tough. I brought myself up with so much effort and now I have sorta reached in that very situation sort of. It feels bad and I feel sorry for myself at this point. I want to be me again, the one smiles always, happy from inside.

Sometimes I feel like I have forgotten to smile. We say life is full of ups and downs. but its starting to feel like, my life is full of downs and no ups to be seen far far away. I am very positive, yet with the things are going making me feel the way. As Kashme said, I hope this is temporary and will be over soon.

Hopeful and will stay hopeful for some good things in the upcoming days.....

Memorial Day weekend, totally different than how I had pictured

My plan was to spend with someone, but the past few weeks stress you gave me, has made everything different. However, it was so nice to see family and friends in TX. I was happy to see all but deep down, I was feeling something was missing in life. The feeling was there the whole time, whether I was talking to them, eating, sitting or sleeping.

Maybe that's a sense of sadness inside of me. You being lost made me feel even worse. how can you. You definitely showed your color, yet you still deny you are not doing that.

Soon after meeting all the family and friends, it was time to come back here.